Wednesday, May 24, 2017


I had an email exchange on Sunday afternoon with my new editor on "Three Grumpy Trucks." The illustrator is starting on the artwork and we discussed what three trucks might be doing at a playground. (Would they stay in the sandbox? Would they venture over by the sprinklers?)

I hit "send," then walked into Samuel's room and said, "What are you doing right now?"

God bless Samuel.

We went to the playground at Central Park West and 85th. I intended just to walk around for a few minutes and observe. But when we got to the sandbox I said, "I'm just going to take off my shoes for a minute," and one thing led to another.

There was a lot of digging, scooping, lifting, and sifting going on. Samuel and I befriended an 18-month-old while his caregiver helpfully read a book on a bench twenty yards away.

How do you make a toddler laugh?

Bury his feet in the sand, then say, "Where are your feet?! We've lost your feet!" Then act very surprised when he pulls them out. 

Repeat for thirty minutes.

There was squealing, tunnel stomping, sand eating, and lots and lots of snot. All the ingredients for happiness.

I'm just gonna say it publicly. The world would be so much better with one more toddler in it, don't you think?

Saturday, May 20, 2017

I miss

Her breath.

Her lips.

The smell of her hair.

Her voice.

Her laugh.

Holding her hand.

Watching her undress.

Her nakedness.

Her kiss. Her mouth. Her tongue.

Falling asleep with her in my arms.

Her face. Her smile.


Saturday, May 13, 2017

Happy Mother's Day

This has been a rough year. Not sure what I would've done without you. Thank you. It's nice to be loved.

Monday, May 1, 2017


The upside of emotional distress is that I'm losing weight. Eight months ago I was topping out at 150. Tonight after my run I weighed 135. If this keeps up I'm going to be able to wrestle 114.5 again.

I'm also getting faster.

About a month ago I ran a 3:03 half mile and it almost killed me. Two weeks ago I ran a 2:57. Last week I ran 2:51.

I looked like this:

Later that week I ran a 6:20 mile. Tonight I ran a 6:10.

I looked like this:

Are there 10 more seconds in these legs? I think so.

Every cloud has a silver lining.

Sunday, April 30, 2017

More Vegas pics

My brother Brad and sister-in-law Tracy. They've been married since 1985. Through thick and thin. Made more impressive by the fact that I'm sure it's not easy being married to him.

My 21-year-old nephew Nick, who placed 6th in the World Team Trials.

I decided, since I'm losing weight and feeling kinda buff, that we should take our picture by the pool with our shirts off. Mano a mano. Because in my mind I think I look like I'm 35.

Bad idea. He looks like a Greek god and I look like Barney Fife. (He said I should've taken my picture next to Brad instead, which is true.) But Nick will be old too someday, and if he's very, very lucky he will look like me.

While we're showing skin, this is what I looked like at Freestyle Nationals in Vegas 30 years ago.

I just gotta work on the abs a bit.

Last but not least, this is my mom and dad. They are the best parents in the world.

I taught them everything they know about raising difficult children. They taught me everything I know about unconditional love.

They got me through the weekend in one piece. I am grateful.

Saturday, April 29, 2017


I'm in Vegas for the weekend. My parents invited me to come and watch my nephew Nick compete in the Greco-Roman Wrestling World Team Trials. That's him in the middle.

More than anything else it was an opportunity to be with my family, and just feel loved. That's my mom and dad on the right, and my sister-in-law Tracy next to me on the left.

This is my brother Brad...

We had an intense sibling rivalry for 25 years. He never knew about it. I am glad to be here with him. I am glad to hear his advice and know that he cares about me.

Selfie by the pool...

This was just the warm-up. I have to do a shirtless photo tomorrow with Nick, flexing our biceps, like every photo he posts on Facebook. Of course, he's 21. A side-by-side with him may not be the best idea.

These are the people that I love. I'm glad I came.

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

There are flowers in the window boxes

There are people on this earth that I love. I need to make sure they know.

That's not a metaphor for flowers and window boxes.

I'm just thinking out loud. Lots of random thoughts and feelings.

I feel punched in the gut, hit by a train. I feel like so many things in life are out of my control, and nothing is permanent and nothing is solid, nothing can be counted on now, not even the big things that moved in sync with the moon and the sun and the planets and never wavered, and I counted on those things like I counted on the sun coming up.

And yet I feel blessed. I can be lost in self-absorption and pity and see a toddler, happy as a clam, and I just smile. There's so much beauty in the world amidst all the shit. I'm not the only one on this planet. 

And the sun keeps coming up, goddammit.

I need to make sure the people I love know that I love them.

I need to do a better job of that.